Thursday, January 19, 2012

Personal property

As a part of my job, everything that I do is reviewed by a colleague to assure that it has been done correctly. The work is complex and the ultimate end users so painstaking that this type of review is necessary and no matter how good you are at it, a mistake or two will be made.

It is the job of the reviewer to note any deficiencies so that I may correct them. I am friends with my colleagues and they have the same dedication to a quality product. It is simply business and nothing personal. And yet...

I still take it personally. I don't mean that I react that way. What I do is read the comments, make the changes, and move on. But I still perceive it as a pointing out of my personal deficiencies. That isn't what is meant. I know these people better. The reaction comes from my ACoA issues.

Growing up, everything was made to feel my fault. People have told me they have found my need to be right almost as annoying as my tendency to actually be right. But that all comes from having to constantly prove that I was right in order to be heard by my mother. I am defensive because I was constantly on the defensive.

It no longer hamstrings me. It can be an extra deficit to overcome, but it can be overcome. As I said, I just take it at face value and move forward. I just look forward to the day when I don't have to take so many grains of salt with everything.

Karla Bonoff, bringing it to you personally.

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