Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Love and mercy

In one of the many books and articles I have read about Brian Wilson and his recovery from his well-publicized troubles of the late sixties, I read that in his rehab he had discovered that you can drink without having to get drunk. When I read this it was an epiphany for me that things "everybody" knows not everyone knows.

I am reminded of this as the true meaning of something Kathy said to me at our rendezvous has begun to sink in. I am the one depriving myself of joy for turning things that started out to be fun into chores. She had reminded me that I was the one who had chosen the goal for myself and that I could be kind and understanding of my situation and I could release myself from the goal or alter it.

My word is important to me, even to myself and even over something this trivial. However, it is also important to me to be more kind and understanding of myself than I am used to.

But the main revelation is that I am the cause of my grief. I mean, I have always known it on an intellectual level. (See my post on Eclipso.) But now I am really getting the full meaning of it, that whatever the origins of why I do this to myself, right now the person doing it to myself is me.

And yes, you can drink without getting drunk (at least some of you).

My musical hero.

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