Saturday, October 01, 2011

She drives me crazy

During my time off from the relationship scene, I have been reading advice from various sources on how to meet, greet, and keep women.  And I read something today from David DeAngelo that stopped me in my tracks for a second:
To further confuse things, you'll often hear a woman say something to the effect of "I want a strong guy who is also sensitive" or "He needs to have his own life, his own interests, and his own friends, but also be totally focused on me."

Women often talk about wanting a combination of things in a man that just don't seem to fit.  So what's going on here?

Are women crazy? (Yes.)

But seriously, what are they talking about?

How is it that women seem to always talk about wanting men who have these qualities that don't fit together?

© 2011, David DeAngelo
It stopped me because I had heard this before.  I mean I had literally heard this before.  Back when I was last on the loose, I myself saw personal ads by women asking for these diametrically opposed things.  DeAngelo goes on to skirt the issue by saying women really do want both of these things.  But this in no way addresses that they want things that are, if not mutually exclusive, rarely found in a guy not suffering from fragmented personality disorder.

Looking at some of his and other people's dating advice, a consistent theme is for you to be different than you presently are.  To a degree this makes perfectly logical sense.  If you were O.K. from a dating perspective, you would not need advice.  However, for me it poses a problem in that one of the things I am working on in therapy and ACA is being myself, genuine.

This presents a contradictory message: it is all right to be yourself vs. it is not all right to be yourself.  The way out of this seeming contradiction is to become that which you are pretending to be in order to get women.

But other than my luck with women, I kind of like who I already am and I do not know that I want to be anything or anyone different.  However, as I have quoted in a different context "Nothing changes if nothing changes."


We're going back to the 80s with Fine Young Cannibals.

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