Good bye

I finally quietly made official something I had been avoiding.  My not-yet-ex wife and I will finally, officially be divorcing.  We came to handshake terms on the financial end of it over dinner at our favorite restaurant when we were a couple.

After laying out my proposed adjustment to what she was originally asking for, to which she agreed, I asked her the question that I already knew the answer to but the ever hopeless romantic felt it needed to be asked: was there any going back?

In truth, I know in my head that there was not.  First, it has been quite clear that she has moved on in her life.  Someone else is in her picture.  External circumstances which led to us ending have not changed for her and she has vowed she will not be marrying anyone until they do.

But even if none of that was true, I knew there was no going back because really and truly, I would not want back.  We had some good moments together.  She makes a heck of complimentary teammate in hard times.  But we did not work.  It is just that cut and dried.

But most importantly, I am a different person now.  Working with ACA and going through therapy, I know that I want a relationship that (unless she has changed more than I thought) could not happen.  For one small example, I need less drama and turmoil.  For another, I need to be willingly heard.  As much as I care about her, and in truth I still do, that would not be happening for the foreseeable future.

And this is okay.  Things run their course and I believe a bright future still lies ahead.  For both of us.  Just not together.

—§—

Mary Hopkin.  Yeah, I did not know who she was when she was famous either.  But Paul McCartney wrote the song and he just got married, so enjoy.