Saturday, October 15, 2011

Everybody wants to rule the world

In the Myers Briggs Type Indicator, I am an INTJ.  In the Keirsey Temperament Theory, this equates to a Strategic Contender Rational Mastermind.  This type is a plotter and planner, a schemer who operates behind the scenes and out of the spotlight.  Their backup plans have backup plans.  They tend to play poker or chess with the world at large, trying to stay a move ahead.

One example of this is my campaign of following a direct order that is in my estimation stupid.  After having tried and failed to argue the issuer out of their stupid command, I conclude that the quickest way to be done with the stupid rule is to implement it as quickly and thoroughly as possible, so as to cause the train wreck that I have foreseen, thus requiring the issuer to reevaluate based not on my projections but actual reality.  Around my office this has come to be known as "My evil plan."

This trait of strategizing the world is the source of my dichotomy between being honest and being devious.  As I said before, I am honest but only to direct questions and only to people I first meet or people who afterward have demonstrated that such candor is desired.

Because I hold things back, reserve an ace to play, I guess I lie by omission.  I have always had difficulty with that definition of a lie.  Since I was raised that people who did not need to know my business did not need to know my business, I tend to undershare and I reserve the right to evaluate what is or is not germane, whether or not you would like to know what I am reserving.

Thus there are some people who think that I am laconic, that I hardly talk about anything and I am unwilling to be open and intimate.  The problem is that I shared something that I thought was important and received a reaction that I felt undermined the intimacy that I was giving.  It could have been a negation of my feelings, something that happened a lot when I grew up ("Oh, you don't mean that").  It could have been hysterical (for lack of a better word).  But whatever it was, it made me say "Forget it.  I'll talk to somebody else."

On Doctor Phil there was a couple where the man confessed to being obsessed with internet porn and his wife was distraught, thinking that it would be the end of their marriage, issuing ultimatums and from my perspective generally being unpleasant about the whole thing.  At one point, Doctor Phil told the wife that it was how she was addressing the problem that was causing the greater problem.

Phil pointed out that the guy wanted to save the marriage and come to an understanding (and that he even went on the freaking Doctor Phil show) and that she needed to change her perspective and help him rather than antagonize him.  He then offered them professional help.

Because she was stuck on being hurt and fear of losing the marriage, she had stopped listening to him and relating to him.  And that is the kind of thing that for me results in not telling the truth.


What else?

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