Monday, October 24, 2011

The gift that keeps on giving

At the ACoA forum I frequent a poster asked the question "How do I raise my children to not be ACoA?"  This is a very important question.  One of the first exercises you're asked to do in ACoA is chart how the effects of alcoholism have propagated across your entire family.

Beyond alcoholism and marrying alcoholics, things such as rage addiction, perfectionism, and gambling appear as the scars of the ravages of the disease.  It leaves a mark in many different ways.  And naturally one would want to contain something so powerful and virulent.  But how?

Well, first of all, we need to learn new behaviors.  We need to find out how we should have been raised and do that.  This is no easy feat.  We know the way we were raised and that's the first thing in our arsenal.  And learning new behaviors from the outside starts out feeling artificial and stiff.

But eventually new behaviors may be internalized and accepted as our own.  And the old adage applies here: fake it until you make it.  Because otherwise you are planting the ACoA seed.  Beyond learning new behaviors, it is important to understand your old behaviors and where the come from, so that you might actually be motivated to change a behavior that otherwise might work for you.


I think it funny that there are now ads appearing on my page for a dating site when I just recently admitting to having a serial relationship problem.


For those that have interest in my love life, suffice it to say that things with Kathy and me have been going well.  I am trying not to fall too far too fast, but it is hard with a such a nice lady.


Besides not letting your children grow up to be ACoA, you probably want to keep them away from the whole cowboy thing too.

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