Thursday, March 14, 2013

Don't you care?

If something happens twice it's a coincidence and thrice it's a trend. So with that in mind, I want to talk about something that happened to me now with Kathy that also happened with Stella and Portia, namely jealous about how I talk to my friends.

From their perspective, I share more with my friends and I have a closer relationship with my friends than I have with them. I believe this is a misapprehension of what's really going on. So I decided to take a look at it and see if I could figure out what they were seeing and what I could do about it.

It seems to me that what they are seeing is:
  1. I don't enjoy many conversations with them
  2. I enjoy the conversations with my friends
  3. I tell my friends things about my life and my day that I don't tell them

Don't You Care?

"I don't like to talk" is usually what I say to people, but that is not the whole truth. That statement is actually made up of a couple of things. I don't like to talk about things I don't care about and I don't like to talk for no reason.

Portia, Stella, and even Kathy love to talk to me about things I don't really care about. I am not a great actor, so they all know that I don't want to hear about these things. The other thing I am asking in my head when we talk is "Why are you telling me this?" And usually in their cases I do not get an answer that has anything to with me. They're often talking for them, which is fine, but again they can tell that I don't care and it hurts their feelings that I don't.

Words With Friends

I do enjoy my conversations with my friends. This is due to several factors. One, they don't talk to me as much. I usually spend a lot of time with the woman in my life, consequently, I don't talk to my friends nearly as often. Thus when I do talk to them, it's something special. Two, usually enough time has elapsed that they have a lot to tell me and usually just hit the high spots. And three, they, to varying degrees, know what I give a crap about.

Sharing Is Caring

As to why I tell my friends things about my life, first of all, they generally ask. Stella and Portia in particular did not really ever ask me about my day or my life. I would have to force the conversation in my direction when I wanted to talk about my life. It wasn't worth the effort. To Kathy's credit, she does ask me about my day. However, she tends to ask me stuff right when I get home from work and am not in the mood to talk to anyone about anything or when I am in the middle of doing something and am not in the mood to have a conversation.

But as with anything else the question is "What am I going to do about it?" I do not have a magic formula to find interesting things I do not find interesting. I have debated telling Kathy about any of this, because I don't want her to think I think her purpose is to entertain me. I think I will just assure her that it doesn't mean what she thinks it means and leave it at that. But since she reads the blog periodically, I figure she might learn about it anyway, which would certainly give us something to talk about.

The Buckinghams

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