They're coming to take me away

And then the days got worse and worse
And now you see, I've gone
Completely out of my mind.

— Jerry Samuels, a k a Napoleon XIV

It's quiet right now in the Lightning Cave, but instead of just enjoying it, I am taking advantage of this time to get a blog entry out before it starts again, the horrible menace plaguing my days for over a month now. What's "it"?

People!

I am a pegging-the-meters introvert, so the last few weeks have pushed me to my absolute limit regarding the company of other human beings and the noise they bring and the need to discuss irrelevancies. I did something actually pretty cool the other weekend, visiting with men in prison while talking about my religion, but that required me to spend a lot of time with people without much of a break. Then I also during this period spent a ton of time trying to teach someone at work how to do her job. She, however, has been a difficult student not inclined to independent study. And finally, with Kathy out of work, she wants to talk when I get home.

I have lost my sweet, sweet time of not listening to anyone and not doing anything for anyone, the time where I feel creative enough to write, or draw, or write music. Thank God for bowel movements or I wouldn't have time to read anything that wasn't on a computer screen. At any rate, I have been short tempered and snappy and have been making weird, sometimes sarcastic remarks. So much so that, like the fellow in the song, I feel like I'm losing my mind. I was hoping to take advantage of the Easter holiday weekend to recharge, but Kathy invited her adult niece to visit, so no soap.

What's that? Is that a siren I hear? Will I be happy to see those fine young men in their clean white coats? Are they coming to take me away? Hee hee. Hah hah. Ho ho.

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Napoleon XIV

Stormy

I had to go into work today and it was storming rather fiercely It was dramatic but also very beautiful. I have liked storms for many years and it was also appropriate for my current situation. I am going through a storm in my personal life right now and the squall made for a perfect metaphor.

I am doing a lot of things lately stemming from the religious retreat I went on last fall and they are both a part of and a respite from my current storm. I have decided that rather than put that information here I would keep this blog focused on ACoA and start a second blog, which you can visit here. Remember that this is a religious blog and might not be your cup of tea depending on your religion.

How any of this relates to ACoA is that I am better able to see the current situation as a storm and not the end of the world, and for that I do have the program to thank.

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The Classics IV.

Don't you care?

If something happens twice it's a coincidence and thrice it's a trend. So with that in mind, I want to talk about something that happened to me now with Kathy that also happened with Stella and Portia, namely jealous about how I talk to my friends.

From their perspective, I share more with my friends and I have a closer relationship with my friends than I have with them. I believe this is a misapprehension of what's really going on. So I decided to take a look at it and see if I could figure out what they were seeing and what I could do about it.

It seems to me that what they are seeing is:

1. I don't enjoy many conversations with them
2. I enjoy the conversations with my friends
3. I tell my friends things about my life and my day that I don't tell them

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Don't You Care?

"I don't like to talk" is usually what I say to people, but that is not the whole truth. That statement is actually made up of a couple of things. I don't like to talk about things I don't care about and I don't like to talk for no reason.

Portia, Stella, and even Kathy love to talk to me about things I don't really care about. I am not a great actor, so they all know that I don't want to hear about these things. The other thing I am asking in my head when we talk is "Why are you telling me this?" And usually in their cases I do not get an answer that has anything to with me. They're often talking for them, which is fine, but again they can tell that I don't care and it hurts their feelings that I don't.

Words With Friends

I do enjoy my conversations with my friends. This is due to several factors. One, they don't talk to me as much. I usually spend a lot of time with the woman in my life, consequently, I don't talk to my friends nearly as often. Thus when I do talk to them, it's something special. Two, usually enough time has elapsed that they have a lot to tell me and usually just hit the high spots. And three, they, to varying degrees, know what I give a crap about.

Sharing Is Caring

As to why I tell my friends things about my life, first of all, they generally ask. Stella and Portia in particular did not really ever ask me about my day or my life. I would have to force the conversation in my direction when I wanted to talk about my life. It wasn't worth the effort. To Kathy's credit, she does ask me about my day. However, she tends to ask me stuff right when I get home from work and am not in the mood to talk to anyone about anything or when I am in the middle of doing something and am not in the mood to have a conversation.

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But as with anything else the question is "What am I going to do about it?" I do not have a magic formula to find interesting things I do not find interesting. I have debated telling Kathy about any of this, because I don't want her to think I think her purpose is to entertain me. I think I will just assure her that it doesn't mean what she thinks it means and leave it at that. But since she reads the blog periodically, I figure she might learn about it anyway, which would certainly give us something to talk about.

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The Buckinghams