Sunday, April 01, 2012

"Am I the same girl you used to know?"

Early on, I told Kathy that our relationship has been much different than it was with women prior. She later asked about that when Portia told her about something that superficially was like how she and I have done things. I assured her (and I assure you) that things are a lot different.

In my relationships with both Portia and Stella, there was a point where I needed to say how I felt and get my issues and concerns addressed. I needed to assert and have them honor that I was an equal in the relationship. In the case of Portia, I didn't do it when I should have and by the time I actually did, just the very act of speaking my mind destroyed the relationship.

By that point with Stella, I realized that the conversation needed to happen and if it did end the relationship, then there was something wrong with the relationship in the first place. It was the right time to have the conversation, but before I could, she ended the relationship.

So when it seemed like Kathy and I were headed down the same road, I carefully wrote an e-mail (as she was out of town and I wanted to make sure I said everything I wanted to say and said it in the best way possible). I sent it to Kathy with fears that this was the beginning of the end, but secure in the knowledge that if this ended the relationship, it was supposed to end.

It didn't. She and I discussed what I wrote on the phone. Some of what I perceived / felt was a misunderstanding and some of it she understands how I work and we're working on it and around it. It was calm, rational, and loving. And believe me, that is not at all the same.

Swing Out Sister

No comments: