The list

It seems to do me good to not only do these exercises but put them out for others to see.  I think it is a catharsis of sorts for me.  So with that in mind, I present the actual list I came up with for those whom I have specifically harmed through my dealings with being an adult child of an alcoholic.  I will possibly add other people tomorrow, but for how, here is the list.  All names have been altered for the purpose of anonymity.

Whom I harmed	Relationship	How I harmed them
Portia	ex-wife	By not being honest about who I truly was or how I felt, I led her to believe that we had a future together when we did not.
Stella	ex-girlfriend	By not being honest about who I truly was or how I felt, I led her to believe that we had a future together when we did not.
Winnie	ex-girlfriend	Was tempted into thinking I could make it work with an alcoholic, giving her some hope of a relationship.
Wilma	ex-girlfriend	By not honoring myself and respecting myself when I was with her, I wasted valuable years of her life that she could have better spent in another relationship.
Kathy	girlfriend	Because of my need to people-please I sometimes put others ahead of her when they shouldn't be placed there.
Tina	granddaughter	Because I am lax on self-care, I allow myself to be too stressed when dealing with her and thus find myself yelling at her for, in essence, being a kid.
Rick	stepson	For being excessively strict while raising him.
me		By not correcting my behavior, I robbed myself of many relationship opportunities and subjected myself to agonizing break ups and personal humiliations in the name of making a fundamentally flawed relationship work.

It's humiliating to put this out here for the world to see, but shadows and secrets are harmful for me. Once it is out there, it loses its power. I only hope that others can find their courage to face this step from this.

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I have another list. It has to do with Kathy and Hall and Oates.