Well, I submitted the novel to NaNoWriMo's official word count validator and my novel has passed. This is no judgement of how good it is, just an acknowledgement that I have put 50,000 words into the validator. But I know that what I have written doesn't totally suck, as I am (or was) a professional writer of things.
One lesson I have learned from this exercise is that I have to get an aspect of being an Adult Child of an Alcoholic under control, and that's turning joyful choices into obligations.
I wanted to do this. I have wanted to tell this story pretty much ever since I finished the last novel. However, as I was going through it, as I was doing the thing a professional writer does, which was write even when you don't feel like it, I was starting to resent the choice that I had made.
I also made a choice at the beginning of the year to try to win every game badge at Pogo.com and I wanted to do that. But my wanting to do this interfered with my wanting to write the novel and my wanting to write the novel interfered with the rest of my life (including getting to know Kathy) and it all started to feel like one big pile of "have to".
When we met, Kathy reminded me that I loved both things that I was doing and to concentrate on the joy in them and to just remove from myself the burden of thinking that I had to do them. I ended up finishing the novel and I missed only one of the Pogo badges, which I have a chance to reclaim later.
Something Kathy said to me the other day made me wonder if she thinks I think ill of her because she doesn't overbook herself as I do. Well, I don't. Just as Kathy feels she could use a little more scheduling and direction in her life, I know I can use a little more looseness and going with the flow in mine, courtesy of ACoA, the gift that keeps on giving.
Speaking of flow...
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